I have really started to look at people in the worst ways.

Each person I see, I think, "What is the worst thing you have done to somebody?" I'll go into this thought later.

I've been in contact with an ex-girlfriend on facebook who mentioned her affair with an old fiend of mine who once was my best friend. I thought "WTF??"" and asked for more details. He had never told me. It seems that she would assume I knew.

I followed up with that friend for details, who told me he was with her, but didn't want to tell me at the time.

Several years before he did the same thing with another chick, and I found out in the same way. But that girl was just one we met at a party. We were 16 at the time. It was forgivable, yet he was deceptive.

I feel sickened that I never knew. While years have passed since it happened, to only find out now makes me feel deceived, and sickened. I think "What kind of friend did I really have?". It then brings to beg the question of who I can really trust.

When you spend a lot of time with somebody, you figure you'll share secrets and stories. It seems I had been sharing because I trusted, meanwhile behind my back he slept with a woman I loved and dated.

I didn't think I had friends like this. So I wonder who I can trust, when I really believed I knew that person well.

What is somebody's intention? What is their deepest secret? Who lacks the morality to hurt other people for their own pleasure?

Everybody I meet I think, "You seem nice, but what are you hiding?"

One of the reasons why I got into the Game was to find the answer to these deeper questions. When you learn that on the surface people show a shell of pleasantness and sweetness, you only need to practice 'social dynamics' to realise there are great reasons why bad things happen to good people.

Many good people I know are simply anaware and ignorant that people, even close friends will never have their best interests at heart, and do things to deceive and manipulate them for their own pleasure.

It seems to be ignorance that keeps many people happy.

I just look at each and every person and think of who they might be when they are alone, and the bad things they have done and have found a way to justify to themselves.

And then, simply to accept the fatal flaws of those people, knowing there is NOTHING I can do about it and move forward, more aware, and more determined.

God
Heaven
Ph: 777
Email god@god.com

Dept of Immigration
Moscow
Russia

Dear Lubov and Greg,

This letter is to confirm approval of your fiance visa to Australia.

Yes you WILL be seeing each other again.

This visa is valid from 9 months, after which time you will be required to marry and live in harmony.

Please feel free to book your flights and live a happy, adventurous life.

Also, have amazing sex and Greg, unload.

Also, please not Greg, you are now entirely monogamous.

Your visa is hereby APPROVED.

Yours sincerely,

GOD

P.S, sorry about the long wait... We had to eject a few potential terrorists first.

Only Satan with f*ck with my mind THIS much I'm sure.

I mean, doesn't the man upstairs want love to work? The temptation!

However, here is the other thing... for all the skills I learned in attraction, I have truly lost my balls to even approach women in the last month. You see, my mind isn't always faithful. My actions are faithful, but my obvious urges aren't.

I see a woman and I think "God, I would love to get to know her..." But i don't approach because I don't want to start anything because I think "You know, the visa will be approved soon I am sure!"

I also get little crushes, and I don't mean to. An example is the kebab shop girl. She's just sweet and very pretty and I notice that when I'm shoppping in Coles, I can see her kebab shop, and if she sees me, she keeps looking. I try not to notice but I look up, smile, and look away. But I still notice her looking and smiling. We talk for ages. BUT it is simply a little crush to occupy my brain. She's married, but in conversation she constantly tells me how bored she is. She's only 24. I suppose in Turkish culture it's the dine thing to be married early. But emotionally, at that age, many people aren't prepared for the LIFELONG commitment.

She gave me her number and email address. I added her to my msn, but still, it's just fantasy to bring something good to my life.

Of course that wouldn't be the only one. A girl at work and I talk regularly. She's a fox. perfect size, brown hair, girly, but also one of the guys... She says she's single and would love to find a good guy to date. She says "Why can't I find a boyfriend? I don't get it!" And I get a sudeen jolt of "OH WOW, THERE IS A CHANCE HERE!" And yet, I don't ever suggest anything more except to tease her a little.

I won't act on this. Simply a little crush to occupy my mind.

I once had 'relations' almost on a weekly basis, and the flow of women would make a muslim suicide bomber think I'd gone to heaven to be given my 1000 virginal women. I mean, I was REALLY living it. I was really happy. I didn't seem to notice the empty emotional void.

When I asked for 'true love', my Russian woman came to my life and took me on a pretty f*cking cool adventure, flying to Thailand, then to the heart of Russia.

Now ,  true love tests all of my resources and I wake up and wonder why I do it all. It gets to a point where I'm sure people could laugh at me and think, "Greg you are getting screwed!!! GET OVER IT!"

I would like to know either way from immigration. Just a simple answer.

So my mood swings to my woman, I think, come from my frustrations that revolve around her. While it's not her fault, she is the centre of it all.

And yes I love her to death. Emotional pair bonding is a real bitch in social dynamics. That invisible emotional magnet that binds two people together is some powerful force that has no boundaries in distance.

So even if cheating is an option, I feel I have lost the skills to even do start the process. If some master pickup artist took control of my body and did it all for me, without me doing a single thing, I'd feel much, much better.

Maybe I have PMS because my mood swings go to extremes of love and anger.

Little things piss me off, ESPECIALLY when it comes to time.

Everything is TOO slow and my patience now is very thin.

Immigration has made me wait 7 months. I expect that flight prices will shoot up when it is finally approved.

But then I also expect that there will be MORE delays of the visa.

SLOW!!

Then, my computer is slow. Then people are slow to return my calls, so I can get business done. People are slow to pay a deposit for a nightclub tour.

SLOW

I want something to actually HAPPEN.

WILL SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING??

I wonder why I am doing it all. because I hope that the woman i am wanting can fulfill my needs. THIS INCLUDES TOLERANCE ON LANGUAGE.

ALL IS SLOW!! SOMETHING HAPPEN. HAHAHA!

I have too many frustrations with this and no relief. If somebody said 'Ok I promise to be tolerant for you" then i would be happy.

If SOMEBODY said "Your visa will be approved on THIS date" (ANY information will do) I would be happy.

If somebody said "You will get laid on THIS date" haha I would be happy.

Essentially i feel like I'm getting f*cked around on all angles by an invisible force.

If there was somebody to hit, I'd hit them, But there is NOBODY, yet ALL the obstacles are set up by that NOBODY.

Slap me and throw cold water on me.

I just need simple things.

I think I'm becoming a little self-destructive with my relationship.

I find I can't help it too much. It's the waiting for immigration to approve the visa. But there seems no end in sight. But I simply want an end, whatever the end is... Just something.

So i find i have these little mood swings, where if i'm talking to my girl and she says something that irritates me slightly, I feel MUCH more irritated than usual.

For example, she has a low tolerance when being asked how to say some word or phrase in russian. If you don't get how to say it after the first try, she gets pissed off and she shows irritation.

For me, I feel innocent as i am simply trying to learn. But she hates teaching for some reason. But she would want people to be patient with her on English, so it is logical for me for her to be patient with people learning Russian. ESPECIALLY her guy.

So when I sense slight irritation, or she says she doesn't like to teach, normally i would just chuckle to myself and maybe get slightly iriitated back at her.

But with all this waiting I have nobody to take my frustration out on. There is no end on sight. So when she tells me she has little patience for me learning russian and hates to repeat herself, i go off my tree and just tell her she better get over it bceause one day I'll be pissed off enough to leave her for her intolerance.

I begin to think to myself, "If she gets irritated and annoyed now, will I feel unhappy ALL my life about this? learning language is important to me." In my first video from her she told me "Learn russian and I will learn English". But now, she says different. So i get REALLY angry.

Strangely, other things that people do don't even phase me.

Right now, anything that even slightly irritates me, gets me MUCH more annoyed than it should. I sometimes want to say "IT IS OVER!!", even though i am sure I would regret it.

But ANYTHING would be better than the waiting right now. It's like I have a prison sentence. Can't feel love. Can't feel affection.

Any suggestions on how to pass the time and calm myself down?

Please, no advice that says anything about "learn to love blah blah..."