Hi everyone, how are we all today. Well I'm feeling considerbly better than last night, thanks Sarah.

I was just sitting down outside having a smoke, contemplating about what easter is to me. My thought drifted to religion. To be completly honest I'm not a fanatical religious person but I definatly believe there is something more...

My dad in his younger years turned to religion for guidence. I can still remember the talks we'd have with him about different stories from the bible.

He's such an amazing story teller, it was so comforting just listening to him resite diffent stories in his own words. But as the years went on his faith began to deminish, whether it be from the scruttiny he received from everyone whenever he'd try to discuss it or not I'm not sure.

I can still remember asking him how is was honestly possible to live your life by the bible, following all of the rules in today's society. For example. hmmmmm, this is a test, was I paying attention, let me think....

Ok, here goes... You will not call my name in anger.....

Now how many times have you said 'Jesus Christ', when you've hurt yourself, for example. Does that mean I am condemed for eternity.

Or what about this one, 'Love thou neighbour'.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be disrespectful but for anyone out there that's been in the same situation as me where, you try your hardest to treat everyone with kindness and respect but with some people it just doesn't matter what you're like to them, for some reason they are rude and dislike you for no apparent reason, how does that work.

And how can a convicted rapist, murder or pedofile honestly become religiously accepted after the crimes they have permitted and for that matter be welcomed into the church after what they've done.

Yes I know that everyone deserves forgiveness and I'm greatful to my dad for teaching me that. But do they really understand the intensity of there actions.

For example, when I was a child I was sexual abused by one of my uncles for years and my dad always said to me that it was better to forgive because at the end of the day they're going to have to live with the guilt for the rest of there lives....

But what if they don't have any remorse for there actions, what then..

Are they haunted by demons in the night. People say don't worry there time will come, they'll meet there maker....

But will they....

What if, this is just it.....

No heaven....

No hell.....

Just here and now....

A silly thought I once had was, to me it makes no sense for us to be the only living life forms in the whole universe....

What if heaven is another planet and if you live your life good, when you die, you become reborn there and vice verser for hell.

What if Earth as we know it, is actually a test to determine where we will procipicate eternally....

Hmm, intersting thought's, you might think they're crap but I'd love to know your thoughts

Sexy Milf

 

 

Hi, how is everyone going? To be perfectly honest I'm feeling slightly peeved off at the moment.

I didn't have the best of weekends, fighting none stop with my partner, god he's so god dame stubborn. I've never known a person to feel as though they are right about everything. I'm not really sure what's wronge with me at the moment, I'm constantly down and crying except for the last two days.

It's been two days since my man's been gone. He's off to do some work at one of the local mines, apparently work is full on for the next three months and I'll be lucky if we see each other one night a week.

Is it bad that I felt an overwhelming feeling of freedom even though I was annoyed that he was leaving me here on my own to deal with the kids by myself for such long periods of time.

You see, the problem with that is the fact that the kids don't listen to me like they do there dad and tend to run a muck! Yes I know what your thinking, I'm not firm enough with them, on the contary it doesn't seem to matter what punishment I lay out, apparently I am suppose to stop trying to be there friends.

I guess I'm feeling relaxed because for once I'm not being pulled up on what I'm doing wronge. I know it sounds like I'm trying to make excusses for him but that's just the way he is.

You know it's funny because I'm constantly always trying to find ways to help him to love me and the kids. See he had a horrific child hood and it's extremly hard for him to be affectionate but the problem with that is I long for intimacy, I long to be held and kissed passionatly.

One night I tried kissing him passionatly, not the first time mind you, but he just said, what the big deal with kissing.

Excuse me, what's the big deal with kissing, to me, kissing is the passion ignitor. Kissing is telling your partner how much you adore them, without having to say the actual words. Kissing is feeling the desire your partner has for you, the hunger and urgency is felt.

I just don't know how to feel anymore, I've tried countless time's explaining to him that I long for romance or passion. I don't expect to be flown in a hot air balloon sipping champagne, watching the sun setting. All I'd love, is to be looked at by my partner with desire in his eye's not seeing him studying me for flaws. Not looking at me with disapproval when I'm mucking around being silly.

It's almost like the boundry's I was confined in are now gone and I will live my life as I see fit, not how he dictates to me how it should be lived.

Honestly, I'm tired and exhausted of the critisism regardless of what it's concerning. If I say I'm upset that in the two years I've been here I still haven't made any friends besides you's of course, he say's I'm not trying hard enough.

God what the hell am I suppose to do with two young kiddies, I tried going to play group but all the mum's where snobbs. Listen to me bantering on, truth is I'm jacked off. I found out that there is no accomodation at the mines where he's working and they've had to resort to staying at a pub.

He started at 5.00am this morning and he's only just rang me and it's now 9.30pm. Does that honestly seem right to you. This is a guy that doesn't like pubs and definatly will not allow me to go out drinking. So I asked him and he said he just finished tea, god he thinks I'm a complete f*&%$k head, he only just told me this morning, well all week actually that they have to make this job stretch out over four weeks and that it was so boring. I honestly don't know if I can take it anymore. 

Hi everyone, how are we today?

Yesterday I would have to say was the most humiliating day I've ever experienced.

As I've said in past post's my partner hasn't worked for the last few months but started again last week, anyway he completed the job and now we're waiting for the money to be deposited into our account.

With a lack of money, I was resorted to go to cash converters for a loan. I just love how easy the ad's say it is to apply and get access to money immediatly.

Already feeling uneasy due to the fact that we have to borrow money and really left with no choice due to the fact that there was no money for food, I reluctently agreed that it had to be done.

I just want to start off with I'm discusted with the way they make you feel, it's a game of, your in need and unless you can provide the proper up to date documentations required, we don't really give a shit about your situation, infact we really don't give  shit either way, next!

Before I went I got the latest bank statement's, ID and proof of income, it wasn't exactly up to date, just a month previous but that shouldn't have mattered because on my bank statement it showed that money was being deposited frequently into my account and from whom, what was the god dam problem.

I was then approached by the manager and refused a loan because the income statement wasn't up to date, can you believe that! I explained that I tried going on the centerlink website to print one off but the site was down and to top it all off it was saturday, so how the hell was I suppose to get an up too date one.

By this time I was desperate, bubs needed formular and the kids needed food. God, I couldn't believe this was happening. Knowing that in three days we would have enough money to fix everything up and more only made it all that much more annoying.

So in the end I had to resort to going back home collecting the XBox360 plus six games and the dvd player with twin portable screens that was brand new, we hadn't even used yet.

Before I had left cash converters to get the stuff the manager said that they offer $150.00 usually for the console on a loan and the games were worth $10.00 or less even though we paid up to $110.00 for some of the games, plus we paid $300.00 for the portable dvd player.

Ok, so desperate times but at least we'd have money for some shopping. So with everything packed in the most discrete way possible, so as not to be seen as a looser, I approached the counter and was greated by a complete arragant arse that proceeded to inspect the games and the console.

Standing there he eyed the console and said, so is this is for a loan, "Yes", I replied. He then said, "Well the most I can offer you is $120.00". We fucken paid $1000.00 for that thing and even now it's still valued over $500 bucks. I turned around to him because I wasn't about to be intimidated by this arseholeand said " Your manager offered me $150.00", God $150.00 I thought to myself, how pathetic.!

He asked his college to confirm what I just said and then said ok $150.00 then. He then proceeds to the games, he offered me $10 each for two of them, even though we paid over $100 for them and then $8.00 for the other one's. This is rediculas, I thought silently.

Then it was time for the dvd player with the portable flat screen monitor's. Even I have to admitt I've never heard of the brand but we paid $300.00+ for them at an auto shop. He said he'd never heard of the brand then looked through some junk mail and said, we'll BigW is selling AWA one's for $100, so the best I can do is $50-$60, what a joke.

So then he has to check if everythings in working order and that's when we realise that I've left the controller at home, he said that I couldn't put it in for loan because if I didn't return to pick up the goods they wouldn't be able to sell it because no one would buy it.

What a load of Bull. So in the end I ended up getting a loan for $120.00 which mind you had incurred an interest of $36.00 to be paid when picking up the goods. If I would have put the XBOX in it would have incurred a $78.00 interest fee.

You know I am so furious on how they made me feel but to be completly honest it wasn't just the location and the person serving, they are all the same. They obviously all have the same trainning, trainning to be arse holes. I feel so sorry for people that have to resort to having to go there to borrow money.

Cash converters in my opinion is the biggest rip off  business there is. God only know's what amount of interest I would have had to pay if I did get a loan, you know it makes me sick to the stomach that they advertise how easy it is to get cash for your goods and if you need cash, they'll help.

One last incident that stays in my mind is when I was in Adelaide I remember going there to sell a bracelet I got from an ex that I didn't want anymore, anyway as I was waiting in line I saw a women, obviously doing it hard, judging by her attire. She was basically begging saying to the women behing the counter, please can you help.

Then, do you know what the women said, "Ok, well what about the pram". Her son was sitting in it, the pram looked like it had been through hell and back, but the women said I'll give you $5.00 for it. The women then got her baby out of the stroller and said ok. I couldn't believe it. How demoralizing! I would have said to the women, F@#k you!

It makes me feel sad but these places pray on the disadvantaged people, it's so wronge!

SexyMilf

 

 

Hi everyone, how are we all today?

Well today I've had a pretty good day. I've been mucking around with the computer a bit and decided to join YouTube, just so everyone and anyone that was interested in seeing the life of Sexymilf , you could tune in instead of always reading, come have a look.

I've only got one video up and running so far, it's when we suffered the floods in Mackay. So if your interested, click in and watch it and tell me what you think.

I'll be posting regular video's so keep checking, I'll probably let you know anyway.

SexyMilf

Hi everyone, how are we all today? I'm feeling terribly tired, I had an absolutly dreadful sleep last night. Karma I think for telling Max how excellent I sleep every night, ha ha ha.

All great responses to my last post I might add. Yes, it really doesn't have anything to do with our partners whether or not we have pride in ourselves. I guess that's what attracts them in the first place.

Although, before I met my man I religiously wore make-up every day, I wouldn't even go to the shopping centre without a face on, but since being with him I am so comfortable with not wearing make-up that it's very rarely that I wear any at all. Is that consided letting one's self go or is that just learning to feel comfortable with who I am.

To be completly honest, I use to hide behind the make-up. When I wore it I could pull off being beautiful, confident, and powerful but without it I felt naked, vunarable, quiet and shy.

Is it the fact that I've finally found someone that I feel that completly comfortable with that there's no need to hide behind the mask or is it me just letting myself go...

SexyMilf

Hello everyone, well I can't say I'm feeling too confident at the moment with my latest pics posted but hey it's never too late to confront our demon's no matter how scary we think they are, hey.

After yesterday, I would be lying if I didn't say I'm sore but I suppose that's to be expected, it just makes me realise that I have muscles in places I never knew existed, ha ha ha.

Seriously though I am in a great mood, my man's back at work so it'll allow us to breath again, yay.

I haven't worked out yet, just been plodding around the house doing some exciting chores... I will definatly get into it when the kiddies get home I'm thinking, then I can do it without being distracted. Anyway, I've got something to be excited about, I'm getting new boobs on completion of my goal weight.

Hey has anyone been watching the biggest looser or so you think you can dance, I love both shows.

Secret revealed, I want to join a dancing class of some sort, hmm not sure what, might try belly dancing or pole dancing, when I loose weight , god I wouldn't even be able to lift myself up on the pole, hahaha.

Question,

I know how you feel about this Jo but for anyone else out there reading, Should you maintain your figure and try to constantly maintain the way you looked when you met your partner so as to keep his interest or is it him being extremly cruel expecting you to lift your game. The thing is I've always sided with Jo where this is concerned, no matter what your partner should love you but like my man said last night, if when you met you weighed say for example 60kg and then a few years down the track you let yourself go and put on another 20 or so kilo's, is that being selfish on your part. Do you know what I mean, because it is a know fact that in alot of relationships there are couples not only women, men too that totally let themselves go.

What i'm wondering is, does that give our partners the right to turn around to us and say, hey babe sorry to have to put this to you but I think you need to loose weight, god your getting FAT!

I kinda know what he's saying even though it sounds heartless, he does to a certain point have a point. It isn't anything to do with my personality just my appearance..

Would love to know what you all think in this matter..

SexyMilf

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is as great as I'm feeling today.

Resently I've had a wake up call and really looked at myself properly in the mirror, hmm your thinking, yes I mean really look, with my eyes really looking not ignoring at what I saw.

Well I've come to the conclusion that it's about time I get off my fat butt and do something about the way I look and feel.

In the past I was always having countless arguements with my partner about, why don't you appreciate me more, why don't you give me compliments more often and then it happened. I was feeling like crap one day and turned around to my partner and said I'm putting on weight and I really have to do something.

When a women says this, they are looking for a remark from there partners like, no don't be silly babe, you've just had a baby, your looking great. Not, Oh and yeah you should work on your arse aswell coz it's getting big.

Let me tell you, that remark didn't go down too well I can tell you and then I remarked how I've lost my boobs since I'm not breast feeding anymore and he replied with, I didn't want to say anything but I know when I hugg you I can't feel anything anymore.

Now I'm not bitching because I need supportive people saying, god what a barstard. No I'm telling you's this because the simple thing is, it's true sometimes the truth hurts and one thing I've learnt about my partner is that he doesn't sugar coat things, he says it how it is. At times I find this extremly infuriating but to be honest I wouldn't want it any other way.

The other day when I said to try out your age test well I did mine and well, I'm currently 32 and my estimate age at the end of it was 42, I couldn't believe it, I was in total disbelief.

So I've decided that this is the year to start focusing on my health and  being starting today..I did my first session today with weights, I know I'm going to pay for it tommorrow but I made a deal with my partner...If I loose the weight I intend to and get great results I want my boobs done.

I will post a picture of me now so you can see the transformation and be there on this journey with me every step of the way. If you would like to join me in this venture let me know and we'll do it together.

SexyMilf

Hi everyone, how are you all going? I'm posting today because I stumbled across a fantastic business opportunity on the net. I have to be completly honest I joined up on Sunday and it's already made me money, I'm so wrapped.

Click  into  my links under business opportunities to check it out, it's worth your time.

Stay tuned because in the next few weeks I'll be posting several other business opportunities.

Having a large family, as some of you know, I know the pressure's there are to provide for them, so I'm researching the best opportunities out there and if I can help any of you's  along the way then that makes it all the better.

 

Hi everyone, How has your day been?

Today I did some painting, I'm currently working on a piece that consists of a women dressed in a lovely red flowing satin dress, her aparel is from the eighteenth century, walking along the cliffs picking wild flowers, beneath is waves crashing in shore against rough and rugged rocks.

To be completly honest I've never in my life had the confidence in my abilities to draw or paint something from my own imagination but after doing a little research on paintings and drawing that are currently for sale I couldn't help but feel compelled to do something original myself.

Some of the painting that I saw left me feeling like I could have drawn better when I was in primary school but then other pieces had me so envious of the details and skills portrayed I was left feeling like, could I ever be that good.

It's hard to explain the feeling when I'm painting from scratch. It's such an overwhelming feeling of exhilaration, excitement and awe. As I see the women come to life on the canvas it feels like I'm connected to her emotionally because I am creating her from nothing. I can't believe I've waited so long to try and enjoy art for what it is, the soul.

SexyMilf

The other day I thought of an idea on trying to sell some of my art work. I was thinking about having an auction on my blog and selling my pieces to the highest bidder.

Would love to know what you's think of the idea,  some of the profit's I make will be donated to the locals that have been affected by the floods.

Do you think you might be interested, let me know. x